Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Obligatory Opening Post

So this post, like 96.8% of all opening posts, is the post where I yammer on about Why I Decided To Start This Blog and The Meaningless Details I'll Use to Introduce Myself and maybe I'll even introduce My Constant Need to Use Capitals.



 So I'm Nicki. I write. I'm a dog lover, a beer enthusiast, and a published poet. In that order.

I used to blog. I then turned to journaling. Recently, while pouring over my old blogs in research for a creative nonfiction piece, I realized that I, like most of my needy & narcissistic generation, missed having a public outlet for my incessant whining, raving, and ecstatic reviews of new Apple products or 7-11 Icee flavors.

Enter The Loaded Handbag.

So here are my meager predictions about this endeavor:

  • At least three times in this blog's history, I will post a poem/story/creative nonfiction piece, get nervous or decide It's Not Ready, and pull it down.
  • I will quote Shakespeare and Tennesee Williams two times in the first year.
  • I will slip in a sly reference to one of my favorite shows/movies an average of once every 12 posts.
  • I will make a self-deprecating remark at least one out of every three posts. Really excited to do the statistics on THAT one.
  • An excessive use of capitals will occur at least once a month. 
  • Ryan Gosling will see this blog while randomly browsing the internet and fall madly in love with my winning prose and charming style, use his extensive network of celebrities and Other Important People to cyberstalk me, track me down, and offer me a ring and a contract. 

I'll check in on these predictions and statistics every so often to prove to myself why I shouldn't follow my dream and become a gypsy fortune-teller and travel the country in a brightly painted caravan. I think that dream really hinges on my love of jingly coin skirts. Because let's face it, gypsies are awesome in theory, not in practice. Gypsies in practice are toothless and terrifying.

Well, with that tangent, I've surpassed the acceptable blog length and delved into the Epic Blog. The kind that people only read to say they read it, like Tolstoy or the complete sexual history of Tila Tequila.

4 comments:

  1. this sums up every reason why i love you. also- i'm a cat and pepsi person.

    <3 Josie

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  2. DISTRUST! DISTRUST! I'll make an inherent exception to my inherent distrust for you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Is it tacky to comment on a really old post? Because I hadn't read this one yet.

    I didn't realize your blog is only a little older than mine.

    Cool!

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  4. Way old post, I know. I saw your comments over at Fabulously Neurotic and had to check out your blog over here. I like what I read, but didn't feel I could enter the conversation on those newer posts. I often find myself reading a first post. I like the mission statement aspect of it.
    So, any luck on those predictions? Ryan Gosling knocking at your door yet?
    It Just Got Interesting

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Comment on this post. Or tell me your favorite movie. Or your favorite pez flavor. Maybe your analytical interpretation of "The Graduate." Anything goes, really.