Monday, July 23, 2012

today's secret word is: motivation

sometimes it's like pulling teeth. It's like ripping off the band-aid, writing here. I don't have anything to say, I tell myself. I don't feel funny. I don't feel like dealing with Blogger. I don't want to wait for my photos to load. I wrote all day. I'm done. I want to read. I'm not caught up with my blogs.  I want to eat cheese and sit on the couch and watch So You Think You Can Dance.

I don't have anything to say. 

That's the real big one: that nothing comes to mind, there's no idea bursting to get out, there's no...passion? No story? Nothing worth reading. Nothing worth saying.

Deep down I know that it's not what I say that matters, but that I take the time to say it. Get it out. Write it down, get the blood flowing, and move on. write a thousand words, then drool over the crazy things that Cat Deeley puts on her body. Set the priorities.

So tonight I'm setting them. I'm here. I'm stubborn. And I'm not leaving until I have something.

Protein Shake People and the Forgotten Art of Bribery

Derrick and I are foodies. This, by nature, causes us to swarm house visitors and insist on making them more food than any one person should eat in a year. It means we have over ten bottles of vinegar in our kitchen and fish spines in our freezer. It means our shelf is filled with cookbooks with titles like Artisanal Cheesemaking at Home.  And it means that we are not Exercise People.

This crazy bitch, who ran up near the FRONT OF THE STAGE and into MIDDLE OF THE CROWD at an OUTDOOR CONCERT to do her squats, is an Exercise Person. 

We like camping and long hikes with our dogs. Derrick has been known to run. I've been known to break out the yoga mat or hop on our inherited treadmill. But we do not Exercise. We do not do Cardio. We do not eat "superfoods" because they are super; we eat them because they taste good. We have a secret dislike of quinoa. We are people who believe in the Holy Gospel of Chicken Fat, and we believe life is too short to swear off beurre blancs for the sake of a pound or two.  Forgive me, Father, for I have cooked pasta in cream and eaten my asparagus with butter.

But that doesn't mean we don't have a deep respect for fitness. We will never be Protein Shake People and we will never plan our diet around nutrient levels. We love vegetables and plan most of our meals around them, and that's as far as we'll go down the Health Nut Road. But we can exercise. And we should.

But we've been shoulding for months. And we've been tomorrowing for months. So I woke up one morning and did what every red-blooded American does when they want something:

I bribed myself.

Physical activity every day. No excuses. No "tomorrows." Even if a hurricane's swooping in and the electricity's out, by golly, you have legs, don't you? Sit-up and push-up yourself to sleep. In exchange, I get cash.

Yes. I am paying myself to exercise. This is how low I've sunk.

Thirty days, thirty dollars. Sixty days, sixty dollars. For me. For whatever I want. A skirt. The pair of earrings I've been staring at in the shop window. Muppets memorabilia. Underwear. Potatoes. Whatever. 

I don't buy anything for myself. Ever. EVER. Guilt complex. It's a bitch.

So I'm going to earn it.

And so far...though LORD knows this is just a drop in the bucket of where I need to be....I've been earning it. 

I will never have muscles. I will never be toned and tanned, and my ass will never look good in workout pants. But it's a start. And I've put it here now, which means you all can shame the hell out of me if I slack off.

Shame away, readers. Hold me to it. Just don't throw the tomatoes, okay? Either I'd be pissed at the waste of a perfectly good tomato or I'd just end up showering myself in vodka to turn myself into a life-size Bloody Mary. Throw turnips. Or celery root. Or beets. No one likes those.


I'm going to shamelessly use my reader base and ask for help. Because Christ knows I need it.

So, readers:

  1. What the hell do you do when you get writers block/don't have anything to say/just aren't feeling the regular update today?

  2. How do you motivate yourself? Especially: how do you con yourself into exercising even though IT BURNS IT BURNS GOD I HATE IT HOW DO PEOPLE THINK THIS IS FUN?


  1. Okay, 1: When I'm having a hard time with writing something, and I can't come up with any ideas...I just start writing. I come up with the world's crappiest first draft, then I go back and read through it. Seeing how crappy that first draft is gets me going. I start editing and fixing and changing things until I end up with something completely different. Something I'm happy with.

    So far as your second question...that is something I REALLY struggle with. If YOU can give ME some pointers, I'd really appreciate it. :)

  2. Saving up my stinky veggies for throwing. Okra, beets, turnips, and anything else that causes me to gag when I smell it.

    Answers to questions:

    1. I read other blogs and Twitter, Flipboard, Vanity Fair, whatever. Then I get ideas. Then I sit on them for a month. Then I forget them. Then something eventually pops into my head and I write it down before it evaporates.

    2. Full length mirror. Naked.

    Does the trick every time. And I deeply, deeply apologize for that mental image. Please try to forget it. Or blog about it so I can have some ideas for my next post.

  3. How do I answer these?
    1. When I have nothing to say, sometimes I say nothing or say that I have nothing to say and immediately I will find something (weird I know) or I will steal someones idea or I will just ramble on about nothing.
    If all else fails, I art

    2. I need to use your idea of bribing myself to exercise I think. I like to walk. Hate running and all the other stuff. I plan to walk more as the weather improves.
    Perhaps you might need to throw stuff at me to get me moving too

    Just keep writing sweet lady. And can I say that the comment you left me today was just perfect. You summed everything up and made me smile. Thank you

  4. 1) I don't know about you but for me it's never a lack of anything to say, just a concern that nobody wants to hear/read it. So even though I think "this is the stupidest post ever" I write it anyway. And if I'm not sure about it, it gets saved as a draft. Usually in the writing though, some sort of inspriation or tangent hits and I can make at least a short blurb of a post out of it. Not that I have any posts right now since my blogs have gone private, but that's what I did for the four years that my blogs were public.
    2)I literally visualize all the sexy stuff I can do with my better stamina and leg strength. I won't paint the picture for you (as a gfited write I'm sure you can make your own picture), but sex motivates me better than money any day. That and knowing I'll be able to bring my man to his knees with my new-found awesomeness. Woman power or something...

  5. 1. If I think it will relate and be funny, I write it. If I don't, I don't. I also would like to write more. But I also feel that if it's not going to be fun to read, I don't want to write. Do I want people to laugh, to cry to talk? But I am too chicken shit to put something TOO controversial because I don't want to hurt people's feelings. I guess what I am really saying is, if you find the secret? Couldja pleez share?

    2.a. That woman? Is a fuck-tard. Yes she has great hamstrings. But I would not run to the front of a concert where NO ONE ELSE is working out, unless I was trying to win a bet. I'm getting the feeling that winning a bet was NOT her motivation.

    2.b. I have developed a relationship with my trainers. Part of their success is vested in my progress. So when I can't do it for myself, I do it for them. Funny how I would let my body atrophy NO PROBLEM if I didn't have Gabe & Vic to answer to. It can't just be anyone tho. You really have to care about them and they really have to care about you. That's what works for ME. Most people are not that co-dependent. Except fuck-tard in the pink sports bra.

  6. i hate to say it, but i usually have some horribly funny childhood thing to fall back on if i don't have anything to write. i mean, my dad's been married and divorced three times and is currently lusting after a 20-something exotic dancer. and he's 60.

    my family is fucked up and full of blog fodder, if need be.

    but you've seen me take weeks off from blogging and just phone in a couple of posts because i'm too busy (and too selfish to sacrifice my 'me' time to blog). i've always found that people watching inspires me to write about shit.

    as for working out, i pay some dude to tell me to work out. unfortunately it's not working as well as i'd hope :/ but knowing that i'm paying someone else to work me out, it makes me get my ass out of bed and get to the gym. having someone to answer to helps. and talking about it on your blog helps keep you accountable. i also use stupid iphone apps to help me track crap like drinking water and calories burned. sometimes seeing how many calories certain things burn makes me happy because i realize how many more teddy grahams i can eat.

  7. Boy do I feel you on the "nothing to write' front, RG has been uncharacteristically quiet and it's not because I'm too busy or whatever, it's because I don't have much to say that I think anyone would care to come along with me on. It will pass. Life happens and those happenings give us ideas, ideas lead to know how this works.
    As for the working out part, I have become a fan of classes, all sorts, kick boxing, strength training, zumba, whatever that makes me sweat, has good music, and gets me in and out in an hour or less. I am slightly competitive so I target that skinny B in the front that thinks she should be the instructor because she's going so much harder than anyone else...yep, she's the one I want to out sweat. Boom!

  8. Damn you and your foodie knowledge. What the hell is a beurre blancs?? You know what? I'll just google it. Google comes with pictures.

    Although not a "writer" I'm having trouble with CTAM right now. I have a lot of things... pending. Things that will makes posts once they actually happen. Until then, I sit and wait. I'm going to refer to it as my summer schedule.

    Exercising. Le Sigh. This morning I had intentions of going home for a walk/jog and here at 2:30, I'm just not feeling it anymore. It's not that I hate fitness, I just hate trying to find the motivation for it. I can't live my life in Scarlet O'Hara fashion focusing on "tomorrow".

    Oh and.. good luck. I'll be the one in your corner eating a cupcake.

  9. When I have no motivation I blog about cupcakes. (For realz. I did.) BUT you pulled through and made this post so good on ya, babeh! ;)

  10. When I'm not motivated, I take a little while to think about why; that way I'm not wasting time kidding myself. When I keep telling myself I HAVE to do something, I do nothing, and then beat myself up over it. I like to tell myself that I don't HAVE to do anything (even if it's not true, the "guilt" isn't always looking over my shoulder). Usually I find something on television and sit down with a sketchpad. After a few hours I've probably sketched something and have come up with six ways I could rewrite the awful TV movie I just saw. This often doesn't help immediately, but it fuels my creativity in the long run.

    And as far as exercise goes, I play in my mind the same JFK quote I play for everything. "We choose to go to the moon in this decade, and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard."

  11. Good LAWD, I have missed this blog. I have also been going through a thing where I don't want to blog...almost as much as I don't want to exercise. So I have been doing neither. I am trying to be a big girl and at least blog. Let's be best friends.

    P.S. What are the fish spines for?

  12. I feed our unused vegetables to the new lizard pet we own. Meanwhile, we are just trying to cook a meal AT HOME. I loved the exercising lady, her and those people who always stretch in public settings. So weird. Special Agent does it and I want to gut punch his toe-touching ass.

    Are you on Facebook? No can find-y. I am thinking since I waste SO MUCH TIME there I need to mini blog there and amuse only myself.


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